1. 減少不必要形容詞和副詞。例如，”I am delighted to…,” ”…at your rapidly growing...”。
原文：My name is Mary Chang. I am delighted to apply for the position of full-time veterinarian at your rapidly growing veterinary clinic. I am a recent veterinary graduate from Top University.
修改：I am a recent veterinary graduate from Top University and wish to apply for the full-time veterinarian position at your veterinary clinic.
2. 避免用一個以上的動詞接同樣的受詞。例如：”…arranged and enjoyed my placements…,” “…also practiced, drilled and applied the knowledge…”。
原文：Throughout the veterinary course I arranged and enjoyed my placements with good range of varieties and also practiced, drilled and applied the knowledge and skills learned in University. Among my placements, I enjoyed the most was the workshop and the [dairy] farmers’ gathering where I could obtain the first-hand information regarding both individual and regional farmers’ need by chatting with them and discussed the details and possible solutions with the supervising vets.
修改：During my undergraduate veterinary training, I experienced a wide range of clinical placements, and the experience was rewarding. I was able to apply the classroom knowledge and acquire hands-on skills. It was also great to chat with dairy farmers and learn about their concerns first hand, and brainstorm with the attending veterinarians for possible solutions. The in-house training and the field trips have largely boosted my clinical confidence.
原文：From my placements, I gained a great appreciation for a sound staff, teamwork, and respect in the work place. Also, these experiences have shaped my work ethic and my definition of a successful practice. I am open to new ideas and techniques and enjoy improvising and approaching problems with a flexible and pragmatic attitude.
修改：Beyond the clinical skills, I learned how to communicate with clients, work well with others and support team members. These qualities have become a big part of me and transformed my view of a practice. With my can-do work attitude, I am certain I can be a strong contributor within a team environment.
原文：When I was in Dove for my first placement, I was intrigued by the generally inadequate passive immunity transfer in calf in dairy farms. I believe it is a big issue for every dairy farmer. Additionally, I have strong interest in emergency medicine in small animals because of the intensive following-up and animal caring, most importantly, clients’ rewarding happiness.
修改：My areas of career interest include the general inadequate passive immunity transfer in calves and emergency medicine in small animals. The clinic I wish to work for will expect me of high standards of animal care and allow me to continue to grow in professional skills and knowledge.
原文：I am looking forward a chance to introduce myself in person and a visit to your clinic. I can be contactable on my mobile: 0981333333. I will follow up with a phone call next week. Thank you for your time to consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you soon and meeting you.
修改：I look forward to further discussing my interest in your practice at your convenience. Please feel free to contact me at 0981333 333.